Wicked Game
by l2adiol2obot
Summary: Song fic. "Wicked game" by Chris Isaak. Castiel struggles with coming to terms with a new emotion that has become more of a burden than anything. Will Castiel always think of loving Dean more than he should as a bad thing? Set during season 5. fallen!Cas


**Wicked game**

**A/n:** Yeah, I realize this is a song fic and should go with that one collection thingy I have going on. But I decided not to do that anymore. I discovered when I plan too much on my stories, it hampers my writing ability and makes me get stuck... damn writer's block is so not fun. It also adds a crap load of pressure to make things epic. So chapters WILL be written, I just need to rethink some things. Again, I apologize.

Anyways, was listening to this song and got me thinking. This isn't going to be overly angsty or depressing though. Just a little. Also, it's written differently compared to some of my other stuff.

Also, you'll notice the writing style is different. No mixed points of view. All of it is third person without it focusing solely on someone. : )

**Pairing: **Dean/Castiel

**Rating:** T

**Setting: **Somewhere during season five, when Castiel starts to slowly become more human but then becoming slight AU.

**Song:** Wicked game by Chris Isaak

**Lyrics:**

The world was on fire

No one could save me but you.

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't want to fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart]

No, I don't want to fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart]

With you

With you

What a wicked game you play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you

And I don't wanna fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart]

And I don't want to fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart]

World was on fire

No one could save me but you

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you

I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No I don't wanna fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart

No I don't wanna fall in love

[This love is only gonna break your heart]

With you

With you

Nobody loves no one

* * *

><p>If you were to ask Castiel if he loved Dean Winchester, he would of logically had responded. "I love all of God's creations." It was naive at best and at one point had been truthful because Castiel had been blind to what exactly type of love he had for Dean. But when he started to slowly fall, being cut off of heaven had repercussion. The lines started to blur. Started to become confusing. Almost too much for comfort. He was somewhere between half angel, still able to fly and heal most things. But he could no longer exorcise demons like he once was able to. It was frustrating to no end the fact that he wasn't what he once was. All the potential that he had, gone. All the power he had, diminishing. But what was more confusing and the hardest to sort out from the rest was his feelings. He felt conflicted almost all the time.<p>

He didn't really have a grasp on human behavior, only what he had witnessed between the brothers and the little he saw between the brother's friends; Ellen, Jo and Bobby. He had picked up on something between Dean and Jo when he was in their presence but didn't have anything on the mind of how to come out and say it. He knew he felt something snarl inside him when he saw Dean close to the blond. Something that made him want to go over there and push her away from his charge.

But he didn't of course.

Because that was just... unexplainable. He was scared too. Scared of what was happening to him, of what he was feeling. The desires that stirred in what was once a vessel, now it was more his own flesh than anything. Jimmy was gone.

Angst and jealousy aside, Castiel pretended everything was okay. Pretended he wasn't affected by Dean whenever he gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. Or God forbid, those times when they went to bars for a couple of beers... the arm draping around his shoulder. He had to stop his body from shuddering from the touch he found himself desiring, craving and probably worst of all..dreaming of.

It was cruel and over all the most wicked thing he had ever come across.

He could only imagine it would get worse the more he became human, the more access to feelings he'd receive. What was worse than all of this?

Dean didn't feel the same. Every action that the older hunter did screamed such. The lingering glances between them meant nothing at all when Dean flirted with the waitress, bartender or just a random civilian and then proceeded to invade their personal space. Why did Castiel get reprimanded for standing so close and yet those women could practically sit on his lap and they weren't told any different. Castiel just didn't understand.

Until Sam had to ruin everything for him.

Of course, Castiel didn't blame Samuel per-say. He understood that Samuel had just.. meant for the best. Even if it made everything else more real and intangible for the half-angel.

It had happened one night like any other after finding no leads but feeling the need for a pick-me up and a rest.

Castiel had been sitting in a booth, idling sliding his fingers over the chilled bottle of beer. Watching nothing in particular. No, he was not constantly darting his gaze towards where Dean was. He _wasn't._ Okay so maybe once or twice but was it just him or did that red headed woman who was inappropriately dressed get even closer to Dean?

"How come you just don't tell him how you feel?"

Castiel froze. He composed himself quickly however. His hand didn't slip down the bottle and almost knock it out of panic. It totally didn't. "Excuse me? I don't understand."

"Cas, don't play dumb. I didn't see it at first.. but your totally in love with my brother."

"I-... I don't know what your talking about."

"Dude, you'd have to be blind to not tell nowadays."

"Then I don't know how Dean still is able to drive and function pretty well since he's as blind as a bat..."

Castiel had muttered it mostly under his breath. But Sam still must of caught it because he busted up laughing.

"Dude, you catch on pretty quick. And you say you don't understand our references."

"Movie and television references, I still do not understand... but I have an understanding of idioms and metaphors."

Sam nodded and then said quickly. "And apparently Dean taught you how to change the subject too. You know.. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the same way.. he's just too stubborn to admit it to himself."

"Who says I want to fall in love."

"Cas... that's not something you have control over exactly..."

"Perhaps the cherubs have hit me with one of their stupid arrows and it accidentally made me see Dean...differently."

"Well, are these feelings anything recently?"

"Not...exactly.. I suppose. Sam... I wish to not speak of it. You need not worry, nothing will profit from speaking of it."

"But you guys could be so happy. "

"Who can be so happy Sammy?"

Sam jumped and Castiel quickly took a drink from the bottle to hide up anything they had been talking about. Dean had chosen to walk over at that moment.

"Talking about me behind my back? I mean, I know I'm awesome and everything but that's not exactly nice." Castiel had been too busy gazing at Dean that something occurred to him in that moment. He glanced around quickly, taking in the area. He found the red head near the pool table already talking to another man. Castiel didn't know wither to be disgusted at how she portrayed herself or pleased that Dean was no longer with her... wait. What?

It seemed as though Sam had read his mind because suddenly he heard the younger brother say. "Where'd red go? Figured you'd book a room and let off some steam?" Castiel was torn between seeing Dean while he spoke but he decided to gaze out the window to see that it had started to rain lightly.

Sam however caught the quick flick of his eyes on the half-angel's form before speaking. "I uh... wasn't really in the mood. I was just talking to her, geez, guy can't talk to a perfectly fine healthy woman without other people assuming things?"

"Dean, your not possessed, are you? Cause you passing up on something like that just isn't right.. Are you sick? This reminds me of Valentine's day and how you didn't want to go out with someone either."

"Wow Sammy, I'm hurt, I do think about other things than sex. Hey, don't you give me that look, I _do_."

"Sure Dean, like what?"

"Well you know, hunting, my baby, pie... oh yeah, can't forget about my pie.. "

"Dean...that's hardly a healthy list of things to think about besides sex. There ARE other things to life."

"I know, and you need to get that stick out of your ass and enjoy the finer things in life."

"If we're still alive after the apocalypse then sure, why not?"

"Wow, Sam...way to put a damper on everyone's mood.. Hey Cas?..."

Castiel had been idly listening to their banter but not really paying attention. His mind had been focused on the dreams he had started having. Oh yeah, he had started to sleep. He desperately didn't want to at first... but he had suggested to the brothers that they teach him how to sleep... it was a good way of preserving what little grace he had left. Castiel glanced over towards Dean and saw the slight bags under his eyes.

"You should be resting.. I assume your having trouble sleeping?" Dean's jaw clenched and he looked away for a second. "That's not really important Cas..."

"Yes it is. Your rest is vital to your performance. The last thing we need is you missing your target due to sleeping problems."

"Your one to talk. You wanted us to help you learn how to sleep and for what? So you can drink coffee and read books when you think we don't know."

"You haven't been sleeping Cas? Why would you drink coffee?"

Castiel didn't miss the fact that only Dean had noticed him staying awake at night sometimes. It wasn't often that he did things like this.. but it was more often that it wasn't healthy and probably would of affected a normal human being in harsh negative ways than himself. "I do not require the same amount of rest that you do, there fore this discussion is over. I will be at the hotel room. " Castiel excused himself and moved past Dean, invading and easing in Dean's personal bubble all too easily. Almost an inch away from touching the hunter. Then he was gone, out the door and then flying to their wayward home.

* * *

><p><strong>I have no idea where this is going yet. Besides the obvious of trying to fight feelings that seem impossible to fight.<strong>


End file.
